Forthcoming items, recent retractions, and inquiries the editorial team has been pretending not to receive.
EDITORIAL OFFICE WILL CLOSE FOR THE WEEK PRECEDING NOV. 30, PER TRADITION.
Continuing notices filed by the editorial team.
The sticky note left on Arik’s door, Nov. 5, 2023, has been declared the foundational text of most subsequent jokes.
Inquiries regarding the identity of the driver of the white delivery van, Herzliya, Nov. 2023, remain open. No leads have been produced.
Credit for the BananaGrams suggestion belongs to Elia. The wrong end of the bed belongs, on the record, to Hershel.
The Ninja grill, acquired Nov. 29 and carried home from Sokolov, remains in editorial use. Sokolov, the publication confirms, is the olive-oil street.
The second vacuum, dumpster origin, continues to run. Its provenance has not been disputed.
The 1-litre Tupperware in which the cube of frozen soup was transported on Dec. 1 has been returned. The cube has not.
Hershel’s wrong-train arrival in Binyamina, 40 minutes late and wearing Elia’s sweatshirt, has been entered into the record. No further apology is forthcoming.
The publication has reviewed Hershel’s repeated assertion that the Nov. 8 nap was the best sleep of his life. The assertion stands. Editorial has refused to retract despite considerable pressure.
Tova continues to identify the Orange Soup as tomato. Tova has been spoken to. The matter is closed.
The headline writer has been spoken to.
Submissions to the Centerfold. The intake desk remains, as ever, by appointment only.
Recipe submissions. The publication does not accept recipes that have not been cooked.
Letters to the editor. The publication maintains that the editorial position is the position.
The Kaos Report, established this issue, is open to continuing coverage.
The editorial staff remains, on the record, two. No additional hiring is planned.
Issue №2 is forthcoming. The chronicle will resume from January 7.
— H. & E.